The Trajectory of Spit

Monday, April 1st 2013

Today was JJ's 5th birthday!  Off to Sweet Frog we go!  We walk in.  There are cups along the window.  There is a wall of self-serve frozen yogurt.  Yes.  A WALL.  There is a counter of toppings the rest of the length of the store.  Then there are scales attached to registers.

After a quick survey, I ended up with a medium sized cup of Irish Mint Cappucino, Strawberry Vanilla Cake, Chocolate Covered Banana yogurt covered in Kit Kat, Heath Bar, Butterscotch chips, Snow Caps, and possibly something else.  It cost me $5.  It was yummy.  I couldn't finish it.  It was worth $5.  YUM!

We went to Walmart.  We got JJ a birthday cake.  There was a bit of "Hurry up and pick one!"  It's a hard choice when you're 5.  Do you want batman?  Angry Birds?  Tweety Bird?  A cake cake?  A cupcake cake?  A cake surrounded by cupcakes?  Color?  Flavor?  

On the bright side, I was in the wheelchair, so I didn't have to stand and wait around for him to choose.  I just sat there.  And so did he.  He wanted to sit on my lap.  With the cart attached to the chair, there wasn't room.  Lisa hoisted him up and plopped his butt in the cart.  So there we were.  Me in a wheelchair, JJ sitting in the cart on the wheelchair, Jeremy bouncing around going, "Get this one!"  Lisa slapping him and saying, "No!  That one's $17!"  I can just imagine what we looked like.

We got to the check out lane.  "Express!  20 items or less!"  Even if we counted JJ in the cart, we had less than 20 items.  But we didn't have to, because true to form, both boys had to go to the bathroom!  Everywhere we go.  Every time we go there.   It's a kid thing.  Dayna did it too.  By the time she was 6 I knew where every public restroom was.

The boys came back from the bathroom and we'd barely moved.  Lisa mumbled under her breath that it must be "Take your old person to Walmart day," because everyone in front of us was a middle aged woman with an elderly person in tow taking FOREVER to checkout.  When it was finally time to move up in line a little, the boys fought over who would push me.  I solved it.  I wheeled myself.  The next time I let them.  My heart was in my throat.  I thought I was going to be sitting in the M&M's display.

After checking out on the way to the door, Lisa allowed JJ to climb on the back of the chair.  There I am riding along and all of a sudden this little hand comes up from behind and grabs my shoulder tightly!  

"I'm being groped!"

JJ lets go and grabs the chair.  Then he starts breathing weird.

"And there's heavy breathing.  Um...what's going on here?"

We make it home in one piece.  Dave's mom and brother are here for birthday night stuff.  We eat, get the cake out, Dave puts candles in.  He begins to light them...starting with the one in front.

"And he lights the one in front first."

"Is that a problem for you?"

"No, no, not at all.  I'm just gonna sit here and watch how you manage to not burn yourself when you try to light the back ones." 

Dave promptly begins lighting the back candles first.

Lights off.  We sing.  JJ blows out his candles.  We call out which cupcake we want.  Dave and I have our eyes on the same one, for the same reason. As he explained it:

"The blower was there, causing the trajectory of spit to spew here in this arc-like pattern.  The cake was here, thereby blocking the spit.  Therefore, these two cupcakes have the least possible chance of being contaminated."

Well said, Dave.  Well said!