Last week I woke up to screaming. This is not an unusual occurrence in this house. Apparently, JJ was done with a book and didn't feel like getting up to put it back on the book shelf. So he threw it. At Jeremy's face. Jeremy ended up with a three inch scratch down the side of his eye. He had good reflexes though, he closed his eye, so no corneal damage.
Later, JJ comes running in the back door hollering. "Jeremy threw mud on me!" Well, you threw a book at him earlier. Yadda yadda. More whining from the five year old. "Get ready to go, we're going to the barn." With that, JJ turns around and lets out his biggest whine.
"I can't go out looking like this!"
It's hysterical because this is the kid who's generally covered in dirt, mud, hair a mess, face with evidence of whatever he was eating last...and now because of a little mud he's throwing a hissy fit about how he can't go out looking like that.
Uncle Glen bought the boys a super frisbee last Friday. JJ is still getting the hang of how to throw it. You have to watch out. Anywhere within a 25 foot radius is NOT safe. There I was 20 feet away and he calls out, "Watch this, Donna!"
I turn just in time to see a HUGE yellow peace sign whizzing straight for my face. I duck! It flies past. "Can you please try NOT to scalp me next time? I really would prefer NOT to be decapitated."
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
The Trajectory of Spit
Monday, April 1st 2013
Today was JJ's 5th birthday! Off to Sweet Frog we go! We walk in. There are cups along the window. There is a wall of self-serve frozen yogurt. Yes. A WALL. There is a counter of toppings the rest of the length of the store. Then there are scales attached to registers.
After a quick survey, I ended up with a medium sized cup of Irish Mint Cappucino, Strawberry Vanilla Cake, Chocolate Covered Banana yogurt covered in Kit Kat, Heath Bar, Butterscotch chips, Snow Caps, and possibly something else. It cost me $5. It was yummy. I couldn't finish it. It was worth $5. YUM!
We went to Walmart. We got JJ a birthday cake. There was a bit of "Hurry up and pick one!" It's a hard choice when you're 5. Do you want batman? Angry Birds? Tweety Bird? A cake cake? A cupcake cake? A cake surrounded by cupcakes? Color? Flavor?
On the bright side, I was in the wheelchair, so I didn't have to stand and wait around for him to choose. I just sat there. And so did he. He wanted to sit on my lap. With the cart attached to the chair, there wasn't room. Lisa hoisted him up and plopped his butt in the cart. So there we were. Me in a wheelchair, JJ sitting in the cart on the wheelchair, Jeremy bouncing around going, "Get this one!" Lisa slapping him and saying, "No! That one's $17!" I can just imagine what we looked like.
We got to the check out lane. "Express! 20 items or less!" Even if we counted JJ in the cart, we had less than 20 items. But we didn't have to, because true to form, both boys had to go to the bathroom! Everywhere we go. Every time we go there. It's a kid thing. Dayna did it too. By the time she was 6 I knew where every public restroom was.
The boys came back from the bathroom and we'd barely moved. Lisa mumbled under her breath that it must be "Take your old person to Walmart day," because everyone in front of us was a middle aged woman with an elderly person in tow taking FOREVER to checkout. When it was finally time to move up in line a little, the boys fought over who would push me. I solved it. I wheeled myself. The next time I let them. My heart was in my throat. I thought I was going to be sitting in the M&M's display.
After checking out on the way to the door, Lisa allowed JJ to climb on the back of the chair. There I am riding along and all of a sudden this little hand comes up from behind and grabs my shoulder tightly!
"I'm being groped!"
JJ lets go and grabs the chair. Then he starts breathing weird.
"And there's heavy breathing. Um...what's going on here?"
We make it home in one piece. Dave's mom and brother are here for birthday night stuff. We eat, get the cake out, Dave puts candles in. He begins to light them...starting with the one in front.
"And he lights the one in front first."
"Is that a problem for you?"
"No, no, not at all. I'm just gonna sit here and watch how you manage to not burn yourself when you try to light the back ones."
Dave promptly begins lighting the back candles first.
Lights off. We sing. JJ blows out his candles. We call out which cupcake we want. Dave and I have our eyes on the same one, for the same reason. As he explained it:
"The blower was there, causing the trajectory of spit to spew here in this arc-like pattern. The cake was here, thereby blocking the spit. Therefore, these two cupcakes have the least possible chance of being contaminated."
Well said, Dave. Well said!
Today was JJ's 5th birthday! Off to Sweet Frog we go! We walk in. There are cups along the window. There is a wall of self-serve frozen yogurt. Yes. A WALL. There is a counter of toppings the rest of the length of the store. Then there are scales attached to registers.
After a quick survey, I ended up with a medium sized cup of Irish Mint Cappucino, Strawberry Vanilla Cake, Chocolate Covered Banana yogurt covered in Kit Kat, Heath Bar, Butterscotch chips, Snow Caps, and possibly something else. It cost me $5. It was yummy. I couldn't finish it. It was worth $5. YUM!
We went to Walmart. We got JJ a birthday cake. There was a bit of "Hurry up and pick one!" It's a hard choice when you're 5. Do you want batman? Angry Birds? Tweety Bird? A cake cake? A cupcake cake? A cake surrounded by cupcakes? Color? Flavor?
On the bright side, I was in the wheelchair, so I didn't have to stand and wait around for him to choose. I just sat there. And so did he. He wanted to sit on my lap. With the cart attached to the chair, there wasn't room. Lisa hoisted him up and plopped his butt in the cart. So there we were. Me in a wheelchair, JJ sitting in the cart on the wheelchair, Jeremy bouncing around going, "Get this one!" Lisa slapping him and saying, "No! That one's $17!" I can just imagine what we looked like.
We got to the check out lane. "Express! 20 items or less!" Even if we counted JJ in the cart, we had less than 20 items. But we didn't have to, because true to form, both boys had to go to the bathroom! Everywhere we go. Every time we go there. It's a kid thing. Dayna did it too. By the time she was 6 I knew where every public restroom was.
The boys came back from the bathroom and we'd barely moved. Lisa mumbled under her breath that it must be "Take your old person to Walmart day," because everyone in front of us was a middle aged woman with an elderly person in tow taking FOREVER to checkout. When it was finally time to move up in line a little, the boys fought over who would push me. I solved it. I wheeled myself. The next time I let them. My heart was in my throat. I thought I was going to be sitting in the M&M's display.
After checking out on the way to the door, Lisa allowed JJ to climb on the back of the chair. There I am riding along and all of a sudden this little hand comes up from behind and grabs my shoulder tightly!
"I'm being groped!"
JJ lets go and grabs the chair. Then he starts breathing weird.
"And there's heavy breathing. Um...what's going on here?"
We make it home in one piece. Dave's mom and brother are here for birthday night stuff. We eat, get the cake out, Dave puts candles in. He begins to light them...starting with the one in front.
"And he lights the one in front first."
"Is that a problem for you?"
"No, no, not at all. I'm just gonna sit here and watch how you manage to not burn yourself when you try to light the back ones."
Dave promptly begins lighting the back candles first.
Lights off. We sing. JJ blows out his candles. We call out which cupcake we want. Dave and I have our eyes on the same one, for the same reason. As he explained it:
"The blower was there, causing the trajectory of spit to spew here in this arc-like pattern. The cake was here, thereby blocking the spit. Therefore, these two cupcakes have the least possible chance of being contaminated."
Well said, Dave. Well said!
Ur Vose Sheez
Saturday, March 30th 2013
We went to do more work at the barn today. There was more work putting the fencing up. More posts put in, more wire and rope run and attached. Lisa and Dave had left earlier with the boys, I met up with them. When I got there, JJ had a cut above his right eye with dried blood. Apparently, he was climbing on things at Tractor Supply, fell and scraped his face down a metal price sign. Hopefully he won't do that again.
It was a gorgeous day! I took the opportunity to take a few pictures. This is the farm house. I still haven't identified all of the plants yet, but I have a few guesses on some of them, and I know some others. I am excited there are Vinca! Myrtle! Periwinkle! One of my FAVE's! There's also Iris coming up.
The bedrooms are on the left, the living room is on the right, and the dining room is a little jut off on the further right.
There's a really nice deck along the back of the house. LOTS of room for the kids to run around. There's a shed back there, targets, lots of trees.
To the right of the house is a garage. It has two bay doors, one can actually be used as a garage. The other has a small apartment area connecting to a kitchen area.
I attempted to transplant some daffodil's out of the horse fields and put them over by the house. I dug down, and chopped through the stem under ground :-( I've decided to wait until they're withering, then I will move them. Then I don't have to worry about killing them. Luckily, the horses seem to leave them alone. I do want them moved though, being as they are toxic.
As we were wandering around the field, Jeremy and I were talking. I don't recall how we got on the subject, but somehow we were talking about running. He told me I couldn't run.
"I can run," I said. "I choose not to."
"No. You're back is broken. You can't run," he replied.
"If I needed to run, I could do it. I just don't need to, so I don't."
It went on like that for a few moments. Finally, it irked me enough that I decided I was going to show this little know-it-all 6 year old something.
"I bet I can beat you to that electric post."
"No you can't."
"What's your wager? I can beat you."
He thought for a moment. "If YOU win, I'LL clean the bathroom next time JJ get's toothpaste all over everything. If I win, YOU take me and my brother to Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt."
"Deal."
On your mark.
Get ready.
GO!
I took off like my life depended on it. Holy cow! My muscles and joints are NOT used to this. I remember WHY I don't run now. IT HURTS! But, I am NOT about to lose to an obnoxious 6 year old. I channeled my high school days, when I was good at high jump and sprinting. I ran!
I got about three feet.
"Boy, Aunt Donna! You run FAST!"
Thank heaven! Hallelujah! I can slow down! He stopped.
I slowed to a jog, touched the electric pole, turned around, and said, "Your turn to clean the bathroom," with a huge smile on my face. Then I waited for him to catch up and gave him a hug.
We made it back to the Suburban in time to be told we needed to run to Tractor Supply for more fence posts. I needed a drink so I asked if we could stop at Wawa. I grabbed a bag of chips while we were in there - Cheddar Sour Cream Ruffles, my favorite! JJ saw my snack and said he was hungry. Lisa gave him a leftover pancake from breakfast.
Driving along I-295, eating my chips, looking out the window, I hear a noise that sounds sort of like "Ur vose sheez."
I turn to look at JJ. *crunch, crunch, crunch* "Huh?"
The child is sitting next to me strapped into his booster seat with a McDonald's styrofoam plate on his lap, a pancake in his hand, big blue eyes, and a HUGE mouthful. "Ur vose sheez?" I raised my eyebrows as I watched bits of pancake fall out of his face while he said it.
"Yes, they're cheese. Cheddar and Sour Cream. They're my favorite."
"I Wike dose! I twied dem once. Dey wear good." More pancake fell out of his face.
We survived the trip to Tractor Supply without JJ busting his head open on anything this time. Come to think of it, it's kind of a record for the kid. Last time we went, it was raining. JJ ran into the store, turned the corner by the registers, skid for a few feet before sliding face first into the circular rack :-) He got up real quick and hollerd, "I'm OK!"
After a long day at the farm, Lisa and I ditched Dave and the kids and took off to Walmart. I have no idea why we went. I don't remember what we needed. I DO remember she made me use the wheelchair again. "You've had a long day. You hurt, right?" Well, yeah. "Get in the chair." You just wanna do donuts. "Don't take away all my fun." Ok, I got in the chair.
On the way out of the store, we're walking down the parking lot aisle. We're walking down the parking lot aisle. We're still walking. Lisa turns around to me.
"Stay here."
She walks over two rows.
"Hit the beeper button!"
"It doesn't beep! It just blinks the lights."
So I'm looking for blinking lights. I walk past a car. There's blinking headlights. A guy walks by the car. Guess it's not his. I walk over. Yep, it's us. I walk over. Lisa comes walking over.
"Not a word!" She warns.
"Nope."
"I mean it. Don't say anything."
"Okay."
We got home. Dave asks what took us so long.
"Lisa lost the Maxima." :-)
We went to do more work at the barn today. There was more work putting the fencing up. More posts put in, more wire and rope run and attached. Lisa and Dave had left earlier with the boys, I met up with them. When I got there, JJ had a cut above his right eye with dried blood. Apparently, he was climbing on things at Tractor Supply, fell and scraped his face down a metal price sign. Hopefully he won't do that again.
The bedrooms are on the left, the living room is on the right, and the dining room is a little jut off on the further right.
There's a really nice deck along the back of the house. LOTS of room for the kids to run around. There's a shed back there, targets, lots of trees.To the right of the house is a garage. It has two bay doors, one can actually be used as a garage. The other has a small apartment area connecting to a kitchen area.
I attempted to transplant some daffodil's out of the horse fields and put them over by the house. I dug down, and chopped through the stem under ground :-( I've decided to wait until they're withering, then I will move them. Then I don't have to worry about killing them. Luckily, the horses seem to leave them alone. I do want them moved though, being as they are toxic.As we were wandering around the field, Jeremy and I were talking. I don't recall how we got on the subject, but somehow we were talking about running. He told me I couldn't run.
"I can run," I said. "I choose not to."
"No. You're back is broken. You can't run," he replied.
"If I needed to run, I could do it. I just don't need to, so I don't."
It went on like that for a few moments. Finally, it irked me enough that I decided I was going to show this little know-it-all 6 year old something.
"I bet I can beat you to that electric post."
"No you can't."
"What's your wager? I can beat you."
He thought for a moment. "If YOU win, I'LL clean the bathroom next time JJ get's toothpaste all over everything. If I win, YOU take me and my brother to Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt."
"Deal."
On your mark.
Get ready.
GO!
I took off like my life depended on it. Holy cow! My muscles and joints are NOT used to this. I remember WHY I don't run now. IT HURTS! But, I am NOT about to lose to an obnoxious 6 year old. I channeled my high school days, when I was good at high jump and sprinting. I ran!
I got about three feet.
"Boy, Aunt Donna! You run FAST!"
Thank heaven! Hallelujah! I can slow down! He stopped.
I slowed to a jog, touched the electric pole, turned around, and said, "Your turn to clean the bathroom," with a huge smile on my face. Then I waited for him to catch up and gave him a hug.
We made it back to the Suburban in time to be told we needed to run to Tractor Supply for more fence posts. I needed a drink so I asked if we could stop at Wawa. I grabbed a bag of chips while we were in there - Cheddar Sour Cream Ruffles, my favorite! JJ saw my snack and said he was hungry. Lisa gave him a leftover pancake from breakfast.
Driving along I-295, eating my chips, looking out the window, I hear a noise that sounds sort of like "Ur vose sheez."
I turn to look at JJ. *crunch, crunch, crunch* "Huh?"
The child is sitting next to me strapped into his booster seat with a McDonald's styrofoam plate on his lap, a pancake in his hand, big blue eyes, and a HUGE mouthful. "Ur vose sheez?" I raised my eyebrows as I watched bits of pancake fall out of his face while he said it.
"Yes, they're cheese. Cheddar and Sour Cream. They're my favorite."
"I Wike dose! I twied dem once. Dey wear good." More pancake fell out of his face.
We survived the trip to Tractor Supply without JJ busting his head open on anything this time. Come to think of it, it's kind of a record for the kid. Last time we went, it was raining. JJ ran into the store, turned the corner by the registers, skid for a few feet before sliding face first into the circular rack :-) He got up real quick and hollerd, "I'm OK!"
After a long day at the farm, Lisa and I ditched Dave and the kids and took off to Walmart. I have no idea why we went. I don't remember what we needed. I DO remember she made me use the wheelchair again. "You've had a long day. You hurt, right?" Well, yeah. "Get in the chair." You just wanna do donuts. "Don't take away all my fun." Ok, I got in the chair.
On the way out of the store, we're walking down the parking lot aisle. We're walking down the parking lot aisle. We're still walking. Lisa turns around to me.
"Stay here."
She walks over two rows.
"Hit the beeper button!"
"It doesn't beep! It just blinks the lights."
So I'm looking for blinking lights. I walk past a car. There's blinking headlights. A guy walks by the car. Guess it's not his. I walk over. Yep, it's us. I walk over. Lisa comes walking over.
"Not a word!" She warns.
"Nope."
"I mean it. Don't say anything."
"Okay."
We got home. Dave asks what took us so long.
"Lisa lost the Maxima." :-)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Were Your Teeth in Your Head All Day?
March 27th 2013
I woke up, achy and groggy as usual. I meandered down the hall. I entered the bathroom, sleep still in my eyes. I lifted the lid and sat. SQUISH! Lovely. I forgot to check for theatrics. Fabulous. I stood. I looked. No theatrics. It's turquoise. Kid's Aim toothpaste then. Wonderful. Now my butt is minty fresh.
I washed my hands. Gobs upon gobs of blue splattered randomly about the sink and counter top. I washed them all down the drain. I dried my hands on my pristine white towel. Nice. A splattering of azure covered that, too.
Downstairs I went to make the coffee! I enjoyed my cup o caffeine while I checked my email and Facebook notifications and top stories. Then it was time to get dressed. I went into my room, found clothes, put them on, and went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.
I stopped dead in the doorway. I blinked. I blinked again. Nope. Still there. Still EVERYWHERE! Dave hollered from downstairs to see if I was ready yet. I hollered back that I needed a minute to brush my hair and take a picture. This confused him somewhat.
When we got to the barn, I sought out JJ. I found him.
"Where your teeth in your head all day?"
Confused look. "What?"
"Where your teeth in your head all day?"
"What?"
"Where they in your head all day? Or did they jump out, run amok in the bathroom, and then hop back in?"
Giggling. I showed him the picture. Lisa and Dave came over to see what was going on. I showed them the picture. At first glance it appears to be a picture of a perfectly normal, white, bath tub. But after a moment you notice the long splatters of turquoise blue goop artistically covering multiple surfaces creating quite the abstract masterpiece. It's in the tub, on the shower walls, on the wall above the toilet, ON the toilet seat, and inside of the lid, on the top of the toilet lid, on the wall between the sink and the toilet, on the wall under the towel rack, on my towels, and there's a four year old mouth sized smush on my bathrobe.
We THOUGHT we had it covered. We thought we'd gotten through. But alas, the next day, there was MORE! On the wall a foot above my head by the door, on the back of the door, on the hallway side of the door, on the wall behind the door. It seems the boy tried covering every square inch he missed on day one. What happened? "I was painting."
Just yesterday, April 1st, I found a glob of toothpaste in the stairwell on the picture frame hanging on the wall. How it got there? No one knows.
I woke up, achy and groggy as usual. I meandered down the hall. I entered the bathroom, sleep still in my eyes. I lifted the lid and sat. SQUISH! Lovely. I forgot to check for theatrics. Fabulous. I stood. I looked. No theatrics. It's turquoise. Kid's Aim toothpaste then. Wonderful. Now my butt is minty fresh.
I washed my hands. Gobs upon gobs of blue splattered randomly about the sink and counter top. I washed them all down the drain. I dried my hands on my pristine white towel. Nice. A splattering of azure covered that, too.
Downstairs I went to make the coffee! I enjoyed my cup o caffeine while I checked my email and Facebook notifications and top stories. Then it was time to get dressed. I went into my room, found clothes, put them on, and went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.
I stopped dead in the doorway. I blinked. I blinked again. Nope. Still there. Still EVERYWHERE! Dave hollered from downstairs to see if I was ready yet. I hollered back that I needed a minute to brush my hair and take a picture. This confused him somewhat.
When we got to the barn, I sought out JJ. I found him.
"Where your teeth in your head all day?"
Confused look. "What?"
"Where your teeth in your head all day?"
"What?"
"Where they in your head all day? Or did they jump out, run amok in the bathroom, and then hop back in?"
Giggling. I showed him the picture. Lisa and Dave came over to see what was going on. I showed them the picture. At first glance it appears to be a picture of a perfectly normal, white, bath tub. But after a moment you notice the long splatters of turquoise blue goop artistically covering multiple surfaces creating quite the abstract masterpiece. It's in the tub, on the shower walls, on the wall above the toilet, ON the toilet seat, and inside of the lid, on the top of the toilet lid, on the wall between the sink and the toilet, on the wall under the towel rack, on my towels, and there's a four year old mouth sized smush on my bathrobe.
We THOUGHT we had it covered. We thought we'd gotten through. But alas, the next day, there was MORE! On the wall a foot above my head by the door, on the back of the door, on the hallway side of the door, on the wall behind the door. It seems the boy tried covering every square inch he missed on day one. What happened? "I was painting."
Just yesterday, April 1st, I found a glob of toothpaste in the stairwell on the picture frame hanging on the wall. How it got there? No one knows.
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