Ticked Off

June 17th 2013

Last night I found a tick on my hip.  Yes, my HIP!  UNDER my underwear!  The perverted little bugger was trying to get a free show.  He obviously never got the memo that my nether ye-ah is off limits!  Special invitation only!  And I haven't invited anyone in a really, REALLY long time!  It certainly is not going to be an arachnid!

Back to the story.  I entered the bathroom and prepared to potty. During normal procedures, I felt a suspect bump.  I looked.  It was dark.  I scraped my finger nail and flicked the perpetrator off onto the floor.  I then proceeded to quickly examine him, identify his species, grab appropriate PPE (personal protective equipment - in this case a wad of toilet paper), apprehend the criminal and sentence him to life in a septic tank by means of a swirly. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I have anxiety issues.  Anyone who knows me well, knows I am sensory sensitive.  This means a few things.

·         

•       Don't invade my personal space.  BACK UP!
• ·         Don't touch me unless I have given you permission.
• ·         Do not come anywhere NEAR my face unless you are a doctor I am seeing for treatment.
• ·         Please do not swing or throw anything near or at me.
• ·         I am claustrophobic.  Even small bathrooms make me nervous.  Tight necklines on shirts are unbearable, I feel suffocated and choked, I cut them off.
• ·         I am extremely tactile sensitive.  If the breeze blows and my little peach fuzzy blonde arm hairs move, I will feel it and will probably either brush my arm or look to make sure there isn't a bug there.
• ·         Finding a bug anywhere on me will give me the heebie jeebies for HOURS!
• ·         I cannot tolerate bugs and food at the same time.  If I am eating, please don't even mention bugs.  Do not mention bug bites.  Do not mention any bug facts or trivia.  Do not show a picture of bugs.  Do not watch a TV show about bugs (or carnivorous crustaceans). And definitely do not point and say, "Hey!  Look at that bug!"  I will lose my appetite, and will have to calm myself to prevent vomiting.

That being said, you can probably imagine the level of heebie jeebies I was suffering after finding a tick so close to my most holiest of holies.  I proceeded to do a body scan.  I could clearly see the ventral side from the belly down easily.  I could see the front of my shoulders and arms.  I could not see my posterior.  I turned in the mirror and tried looking. 

I noted a brown bump on the backish side of my neck.  Freaking, I grabbed the bugger and yanked it off!  It was not a bugger.  :-/  It turned out to be a pigmented skin tag I was unaware I had.  Aside from OUCHIE, lemme tell ya, it BLED!  I sat for the next 20 minutes holding a pressure dressing on my neck.  Of course, all the stress had me woozy.  Topped it all off nicely.

The next morning, I proceeding to ask Lisa to look and make sure it was ok.  For the following two days, I proceeded to show Lisa assorted "beauty marks" and freckles I was unfamiliar with to confirm they were in fact beauty marks and freckles.  Through it all, I said a lot of "Thank You" and "I can't see my butt, I had no idea that was there!"

The joy of being Irish, fair skinned, fairly freckly, and anxious about bugs!