Sigh

As I sit here and write this, there's seemingly a million other things I SHOULD be doing instead. I should be making phone calls. I should be getting dressed. I should be reaching out and touching base with my Aunt and my Grandmother and my Father. I should be calling legal services. I should be doing the dishes. I should be cleaning and packing. I should be working on Avon.

I think that's part of my problem. There's so many "I should be's" that I am overwhelmed and just not. Sigh.

I started off this morning in a similar manner as yesterday - lying in bed procrastinating getting up until the urge to go to the bathroom was strong enough I could ignore it no longer. Then I made coffee. I began writing my "To Do" list. I took a break at 10:30 to watch Joyce Meyer. I always feel better after watching. I notice I feel better after going to church too. B noticed it. He told me on Monday I always look like I feel better afterward.

Heh, during Joyce's show on Monday she said, "The word of God renews your mind and teaches you how to think correctly." Guess I was hitting the nail on the head when I said I felt "rejuvenated." See? I'm not crazy. (And if I am a bunch of other people are right there with me!)

Joyce's sermons have been focusing on depression this week - very pertinent topic for me right now. After Joyce, I started looking up vocabulary I have been meaning to get around to for two weeks. Things have been busy, to say the least.

D's dad called me to update me on D. She's missed school all week, but seems to be making progress since the medication change on Wednesday.

When we saw the doctor on Wednesday, we came away with a new understanding of D having a form of separation anxiety that makes it difficult for her to get to school at times. This was a new revelation, but makes perfect sense. Her symptoms really started in full force when she came home and I was in the hospital in January of 2008. She didn't want me working. She didn't want me at doctor's all the time. She didn't want to leave the house. There were times she didn't want to go to her dad's over the weekend. There was a time prior to this when she was in 5th grade that she had similar issues, but not to this extent.

Now, she's asking for homeschooling with me as her teacher. I tried to explain to her that she has so many more opportunities being in the brick and mortar school. The teachers know more, they have more resources, the opportunity to socialize and make friends, the opportunity to be part of plays and teams...she wasn't convinced. She told the doctor she likes the school. She is just having trouble getting there.

Tomorrow she's getting her hair cut and a manicure with her Grandmother up there. Then they're going to stop at the outlets for her to do some Christmas shopping. Then she'll be home. Maybe she'll come back to church with me on Sunday so we have some more time together. I doubt it, but maybe. She came with me last week but looked uncomfortable, she said she didn't want to be there. She said she was going so maybe I'll stop telling her about it. I appreciate that. She did say she'd go to the January 10th taping of the CD.

There's a bunch more I could write in here, but I'm gonna stop for now so I can maybe get a few things checked off this To Do list. Sigh. Here goes nothing!